Serenity and Satisfaction

 

Gaining consciousness in time to save his skin from blasting into flames. The heat painfully pierced into the young boy. While he lifted his throbbing head off the ground, he was barely able to see a thing. All objects were blurred. Eyelids as heavy as an anchor and throat as dry as a bone. The scrawny black haired schoolboy dragged himself across the stretch of sand and droped under a tall lime tree, and within seconds of escaping the bright sunrays, a cool breeze brushed against little Jimmy.

 

The taste of fresh air satisfied his desperate urge for some sort of fluid. He gazed into the distance, the land which he was deserted on, which he watched so intensely, seemed far too perfect. Vibrant colors surrounded the boy from the large lavender birds which burst with energy, soaring across the cobalt sky. To the miniscule auburn fishes which chased one another through the sheet of sapphire water.

 

To the left of the boy, a giant cliff stood. Bulky, grey rocks piled on top of each other, only the creatures with the strongest wings could reach that summit. Behind the boy lived a cluster of greenery, a cluster of emerging trees down to little shrubs on the forest floor. On the right, a narrow strip of land about twenty miles long. Just sand and sea shells. Just nature’s touch. Gleaming golden in the sky, the sun shone as the wind blew gently, Jimmy felt that touch of cold heat. A blissful scent then reached the boy’s bruised nose - the scent of the luminous flower buds. Filling with curiousity, he turned his head and stared at the range of unordinary and bizzare plants. There were the lengthy, linear leaves  of the Daylily growing in bunches. The pink Geraniums just starting to blossom. The blond Gladiolus and the bushes of white Jasmines. The coconut trees which were lined up along the beach. The large hard-shelled fruit containing thick white meat and fresh syrupy juice, dangled high on the tree top-near Jimmy, his chocolate brown eyes focused on them with desire they were inviting.

 

Bright yellow bananas loomed above his head which unfortunately attracted several mischievous monkeys. Beneath him, granules of sparkling white sand massaging his feet just like the miniature cherry crabs are. These small little animals crawled around, full of life, playing with Jimmy’s muddy toes, their nibbles were hardly noticeable. Jimmy sat as still as a statue, admiring the picture in front of him. He listened carefully – animals communicating; wind blowing; waves rushing in and out.

 

Drifting away into a trance, into a peaceful sort of dream. Jimmy enjoyed what felt like a split second, before being interrupted by a thunderous hum. A loud, low-pitched horn sounded irritatingly, like a steamliner on the ocean. His  attenion switched to the sea, which was unfortunately clear of rescue vehicles. The boy snapped back to real life and his paradise vanished while a crowd of youngsters marched down his island towards him. Unable to figure out where the noise came from, the noise which destroyed his moment of euphoria, Jimmy waited.

 

 

 

Rationale

 

My focus was to create a heavenly image. One which is tropical and beautiful. I started my paragraph with the main character feeling a touch of pain then eventually that pain fades away as he notices how peaceful and perfect his surrounding is. I tried not to include much movement as I thought pure description would be more effective.

 

To describe the island, I used many adjectives illustrating size, texture, and shape. A giant cliff compared to the miniature cherry crabs. The large hard shelled fruit and the syrupy juice. I think adjectives are especially useful as they provide the reader with more detail on things (tells us more than we need to know about the item we are talking about to give a better picture). This enhances ideas as they are extra pieces of information which illustrates a subject. The most frequent use of adjectives in my text, is the range colors applied to describe objects. Nearly everything mentioned is express with a color The lavender birds, the sapphire sheet of water, grey rocks, chocolate brown eyes, cherry crabs. As my aim was to build a clear image of a tropical place, I thought making it seem colorful would show the assortment of things on the island. Colors suggest a beautiful life.

 

As well as adjectives, I compared objects to help the reader build a clear picture in their head. Emerging trees and little shrubs for example, is the comparison between a small and a large object. I used similes as a form of comparing. To say the boy’s eyelids were as heavy as an anchor (which is a heavy object holding something – e.g. a ship – down) suggesting that he is held down by how heavy his eyelids are. His throat is compare to a human bone, two very unlike things, but this makes the reader think in a wider perspective and encourages he/she to construct an image from the words. He is as still as a statue, this is hinting how motionless he is. A commonly used simile but still effective. To write about an object as if it is another object will make the reader visualize.

 

Alliteration was used in certain parts of my paragraph to emphasize a set of words. By beginning two or three words with the same sound/letter highlights them. The sun is gleaming golden, the alliteration exaggerates how golden the sun really is. The boy’s bruised nose, exaggerates how damaged his nose is. The lengthy, linear leaves, exaggerates how tall the leaves are.

 

I used a figure of speech which contradicts each other. I described what the boy’s felt by using the words cold heat. This is not entirely correct but it gives a different way of thinking. By using words which don’t normally fit together or are the opposite of each other, heightens the imagination.