The Three
Little Pigs and the Big Bad Wolf
Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair
Before that blessed day, terror lurked like an acidic cloud, wilting over the
sties, raining down fear and trepidation. Nothing felt safe. Wolves had
infested the farmyard, pillaging, raping and killing leaving nothing but trails
of blood, mud and chicken feathers. Everyone knew that something had to be
done. For months the carnage went on, slowly eroding the population of the
farmyards. For months, ideas of possible solutions ricocheted back and forth
through the community. An unexpected conclusion was brought forward by the three
pigs.
The three pigs were a smelly trio named Harry, Larry and Jeff. They were the
only pigs left, as all others of the species that hadn’t become bacon wolf
snacks, had been smart enough to leave the county. Watching pigs attempt to
squeeze through fences is a lot more amusing than one may think. Not
surprisingly, Harry Larry and Jeff were left alive as they were practically
immune to wolves. Not because they were particularly ‘special’, not that they
necessarily had ‘super powers’, they just smelt really, really bad. These pigs
were sloppier, smellier, uglier, literally more ‘pig like’ than any other pig
you’d ever have seen. Though meaty, these pigs smelt as if they had already
started decomposing from the inside. Wolves weren’t into smelly meat. Then again,
neither are many other animals. Though odourly challenged, these pigs did
manage to come up with a solution as to how they were going to seek protection
from the wolves. This became apparent as Jeff made an announcement during the
weekly barn gathering.
“Dude, I got a plan!” he cried triumphantly, raising both hooves into the air.
The audience moved back 5 paces. “I figured that like, since our barn isn’t
quite keeping us all like.., you know, safe, we should like build like, a
better one! Haha! Yeah man”. The audience was left confused. Larry came to the
rescue.
“Jeff you fool! It disgusts me how you take the English language for
granted...” Larry sighed, cleared his throat and adjusted his stained, framed,
lookin’ deranged, glasses and attempted to clear up the messy ambiguity that
Jeff had left hanging in the room. He cleared his throat again. “Ladies and
Gentlemen, allow me to first apologise for the highly inappropriate discourse,
poorly displayed by my fellow genus. I believe that what he meant to say was in
fact that we should build a new shelter, a new haven.., not necessarily a new
barn, but a new house... yes a house.” Larry began nodding to himself,
muttering quietly. Mass discussion erupted throughout the crowd. A goat stood
up to speak.
“Eurekaaaaaa... how did you come up with such a brilliant ideaaaaa? Why didn’t
we come up with this earliaaaaa?”
“Well”, said Harry, the third pig, “We had time to sit and think, just because
we really stink. Without those threats on our lives, we sat, discussed, and
watched time fly. So as I see they’re none objecting, I think we should start
protecting, you and me, and our spouse, so c’mon people and build that house.”
Harry then sat down.
Yes, I’m afraid this is how it all began. As the mandarin sun awoke the next
morning, enlightening the sky with the knowledge of colour and beauty, the
animals originating from the last farm of the
And so the cloud broke. Panic seeped through the floors and walls of the house,
fuming anxiety, suffocating the trembling asylum seekers. A tremor pierced
through the house as a wolf shook it, as no knock was audible.
“Open the door!” bellowed one wolf of the three. The only reply was a whimper
that had uncontrollably escaped from the muzzle of one of the younger lambs. In
that moment of time Larry determined to arise and therefore answer against the
wolf.
“Not by the goatee on my chinny chin-chin dude!”, he declared, quickly dashing
off to the other side of the establishment causing further fret. The
unfortunate remark highly agitated the wolves, resulting in rather detrimental
consequences. A wolf heatedly replied back.
“You stinking pigs! I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow the house down!”
The tree wolves took a deep breath and...
“This just in! Weather has been terrible in
Meanwhile, back at the farm...
Chaos encircled the site where the house of straw had stood.
In a confusion of hay, feathers and fur the farm animals reacted quickly and
escaped into hiding. But in the midst of it all, some uncontainable force had
some how persuaded Gemima, a heart broken goose, to stand still. Her gaze had
become transfixed upon one of the breathless, muscular, hairy wolves. Perhaps
it was due to the full moon, or due to the scent of hay which in some cultures
believed to be some type of aphrodisiac. But Gemima felt love again, something
she never thought possible. There was just something about the way that burly
canine looked at her, that made her feel like a woman. No word needed to be
spoken, as within moments, the goose and her wolf were wrapped in a passionate
embrace, intensifying the mania sparking between them.
“I apologise for being so blunt, but may Ijust say you have got to be the most
beautiful goose I have ever seen”, whispered the wolf, his voice smooth and
milky, so sultry that it literally gave Gemima goose bumps.
“Then forgive me, for saying that you have got to be the handsomest wolf I have
ever laid eyes on”, replied Gemima. Her heart pulsated within her little
feathered body, leaving her feeling hot and flustered, almost scared. How glad
she was as to be in the arms of such a warm, strong wolf. Strangely enough,
despite the odd history, the wolf made Gemima feel safe. It was a blissful love
against all the odds.
“Run away with me” expressed the wolf, grinning and therefore revealing all his
teeth. Yet the goose failed to look past the depth in his eyes.
“Yes! Oh, a million times yes!” declared the goose as they shared a fiery kiss.
So off they frolicked and it is believed that they lived happily ever after.
As this had been all happening, another barn gathering had taken place in order
to reevaluate the plan.
“Ok, ok so sorry dudes, I see that the whole house thang
didn’t really like work n’ stuff” said Jeff solemnly. “But hey! At least I
like, busted out a couple brain cells.” The cluster of animals remained quiet.
Once again Larry had to come to the rescue and clear up the confusion Jeff had
caused.
“Ladies and gentlemen, please ignore my fellow pig friend. I believe that it is
possible for us to prevail, as all that we are required to do is try again, his
time with stronger materials.” Discussion suddenly found its way back into the
barn. Harry stood up and shouted.
“Please be silent, I feel sick. Larry I think you’re so thick. Can’t you see
that Jeff is right? The house won’t work so I say fight! Those bleedin’ wolves
think they’re so tough, c’mon man, my mom’s more buff, than any of those stupid
dogs, its war I say, between wolf and hog”. He sat down hot and apprehensive,
sweating. The crowd remained silent. “Airight then, we’ll have a vote”,
suggested Larry. “Those who would like to fight against the wolves with Harry
step to that side, and house builders stay around me”. After a few minutes of
hustle and bustle, it was obvious that the barn animals were in proper favour
of building the house. Perhaps they didn’t enjoy violence, or they had heard a
proverb about how one was not to trust a rhyming pig. Either which way the
animals sent out once again in search of stronger materials in which to build
new house.
The house of brick was built. The screaming silence of the
night echoed throughout the empty fields as the animals sat motionless inside
the house, waiting.
A howl was heard.
The angst within the four walls of the house caused the rooms to grow smaller.
The uneasy anticipation for an ending. It was apparent to the animals that this
was in fact their last chance.
The howling grew louder, and then came a knock.
“Open the door!” screeched the wolf, hungrily scratching at the walls.
“No! Not by
the hairs on my chinny chin-chin” squealed back Larry, now leaning against the
door.
There was a
hush.
“Then I’ll
huff, and I’ll puff, and ill blow your house down!” cried the wolf as he began
to breath in.
He couldn’t
blow down the house.
For a moment the tension eased, until an eerie clawing was
heard up upon the roof. The wolves were trying to enter through the chimney.
Harry instructed the animals to gather around the fire place in order to attack
the wolves as they fell through the chute. They waited patiently as two black
furred wolves slid down the chimney. Salivating and snarling, the yellow eyed
beasts injected fear and scarred the souls of the surrounding animals. They
stood watching the movements of their materialized fear.
Unexpectedly, in a fit of madness, the farm animals lunged forwards and
devoured both wolves. Perhaps it was due to the moon. The blood stained the
floor and the walls and the pelts of the animals, glorifying the unforeseen
victory. This was the end of the war. From then on it was the wolves living in
fear of the other animals. The revolution of the ecosystem, all thanks to a
house and its three little pigs.
Examiner’s Comments:
Very witty, amusing and sophisticated writing but a few
flaws in sentence construction.
Final Grade: 37/40