Cinderella: The Diary of the Stepsisters
Once upon a time
Friday 2nd February
My dear diary,
I am the happiest creature in the World, for I have received
an invitation from the Palace to attend the Ball. It is the first I have ever received
and I know how much value it is to me. How I will triumph over Adriana!
However, I do not intend to show my exuberance on this special occasion, at
least I believe not, for I shall remain serene in my status. And now my dear
diary, I ask for your advice on what I shall wear to the Ball- I have selected
two of my finest outfits but am facing difficulty on which one shall please the
King and Queen more. I will give you an account of them. One is fabricated from
the finest satin silk available in the kingdom but very plain, so plain that I
refuse to wear it! The other not so plain but so bare, so bare that I refuse to
go to the Ball looking like a tart trying to mesmerise
the Prince with my soft and supple skin; although discarding the fact that that
is what I am determined to do. But mother says we shall not self-reveal. In
short I do not know what to do; if I wear the satin gown I will look austere
but if I wear the other I will look a vixen therefore exposing my true
intentions which mother insists that we shall not do.
I have come up with the most desirable solution to my
troubles; I shall mention this affair to mother. Being the woman that she is, I
believe I will be able to attain a satisfactory resolution from her. It will be
such a triumph to be married before Adriana, as she will be at the uttermost
shame for allowing herself to be ‘dethroned’ by her younger sister. I can just
about picture her crushed countenance. I know she will envy me for I will be
superior; what more could a woman desire than to have everything she requests
at hand.
I cannot run such a risk of not marrying the Prince; I will make certain that
no one shall exhibit at the Ball more radiantly than I shall. I hope you like
my determination for I can think of nothing better.
And am your ever affectionate
Georgiana
Friday 2nd February
Outfits 10 Shoes 20 Bags
15 Prince certainly on his way!
8:00 Hurrah! The hopeless years are
over. For 10 minutes my life has been functional with one profitable purpose-
to win over the Prince and be married before Georgiana. Feel boisterous, rather
like having already triumphed over Georgiana. Ooh! Better try on all the
outfits before she comes over to spy on my professional collection of
‘uniforms’ made especially for ‘Prince hunting’. Hurrying to large pile of
outfits dumped on the bed.
8:45 Not as entertaining as desired
it to be; couldn’t fit into half of them anyway. All Cinderella’s fault for
spending too much time stirring up ill-purposed foods intended to elephantine
her lovely stepsister. Must tell mother to send her to some other place rather
than the kitchen; the garden seems to need an immense amount of patching up.
Best to go on diet, chances of marrying the Prince will be demolished if arrive
at the Ball looking too prosperous.
Must leave room; atmosphere is becoming too depressing.
10:00 Just back from walk in the
‘garden’. Will definitely follow through with diet but Ball is only four days away.
Will also need to consult tailor about dress, maybe should go into town later
today.
17:25 Outfit expedition proved total
failure. Was initially enjoying cruise through selection of fabrics for outfit
when caught sight of Cinderella buying cheese and milk for tomorrow’s
breakfast. It is truly her fault for my un-aesthetic shape. Anyway,
got so ‘angry’ therefore had to quickly return home to enjoy distance from
Cinderella. Just remembered, mother said that one must not harbour anger for it shall create unpleasing marks on one’s
beautiful face therefore will try to stop being angry now. Will return back to
affairs tomorrow but now must try to get to sleep before failing to resist
hunger. Georgiana can eat for me; that will do her some good.
Adriana
Sunday 4th February
My dear diary,
I am now truly the happiest creature in the World for I have
received the most satisfying outfit considering the circumstances that it was
only completed in two days; the Ball will be held this coming Tuesday.
For the last hour or two I have been staring interminably at
my reflection trying to capture the beauty but also any misfortunes the outfit
will bring. I was delighted not to find any; beauty was what I saw. But now I
shall inform you on the incident, most shocking I shall say,
that took place this morning.
Apart from the fact that mother and I suspect that Adriana
is deliberately carrying out the process of starvation, you shall not believe
who appeared to disrupt our ‘morningly’ conversation;
Cinderella. Respecting the fact that she is our dead stepfather’s daughter I
insist that she still had no right to propose such a preposterous proposition-
she proposed to be chaperoned to the Ball. Being ‘my mother’, mother instead
proposed that she could be locked up in the basement while we were attending
the Ball just incase she would manage to come up with another misdemeanour. Watching mother ‘tear her
face into pieces’ was indeed an entertaining sector of my morning. I
insist that nothing could have been better!
Before I return to my ‘business’ I shall inform you (although sadly) of my
absence until after the Ball. For the remaining time I have left until the Ball
and my marriage to the Prince that will be shortly following, mother insists
that I be engrossed in preparing myself for our major ‘business encounter’, the
biggest we have ever had. As for Angelica, I still remain true that I shall not
waste any of my valuable time attempting to understand that little mind of
hers. I still cannot understand how she got to be so different, so guileless,
for she is still of the same blood as her two elder sisters which are of some
achievement, mother says. However, she will also be attending the Ball but
mother has long before given up on any expectations of her attracting the
Prince, even if she went bare naked! But I think
mother wouldn’t mind marrying her off to some old man as long as his pockets
are relatively full. In fact, Angelica is rather similar to Cinderella; then it
is no fascination in how she is the only one of my blood that can communicate
peacefully with her. Other than Angelica, Cinderella can only exchange her
‘language’ with the filthy pigs and cows in the backyard. But now I shall
return back to business.
And am your ever affectionate
Georgiana
Monday 5th February
Outfit 1 Shoes 1 Bag 1 Prince to be 1 by tomorrow
10:00 Hurrah! Dressless
and elephantine days are finally over. Dress arrived this morning; was
surprised but happy that one could actually fit into it therefore strongly suggests
that diet did do some good since having painfully sacrificed all decent food
and choosing to live on apples instead. Will be extremely infuriated if do not
get to marry Prince after having to live through three terrifying days of
extreme abstinence; but compulsory for crucial financial success.
Ball is tomorrow but cannot wait any longer. Will be such a joy to be envied by
all women in the kingdom especially Georgiana. Mother will be delirious of my
success and finally stop being so confident that Georgiana will be the only one
who can triumph. Anyway, should stop operating pejoratively as all will be
proved tomorrow as to whom will triumph over whom. Instead, one should be
grateful because today will be last day of dining on apples. Freedom of Cuisine
will definitely be enforced after marriage to Prince.
Must leave now, mother is calling again; probably ‘social graces schooling’ for
the one- hundredth time. Mother is making it very clear that she will not
accept any man other than the Prince to be her first son in law. But her eyes
are actually set on her son in law’s assets rather than the son in law himself.
On this occasion she quite obviously reveals her true intentions as it is
always concealed behind her ‘false face.’ Will make sure to
write after the Ball when ‘victory’ will already be in possession.
Adriana
Tuesday 6th February -
the Ball
Wednesday 7th February
My dear diary,
I cannot be certain
if my expectations were too high or if the reality was too low. The Prince; I
could not bear to look at him He certainly has a large fortune and will make
great settlements on me, but his appearance is revolting. I insist that I never
see that face again. Overall, he is not good enough for me, and whatever mother
says, I will still refuse to marry him. I feel foolish for having been so
concerned about my appearance since it quite certainly looked like ‘my
audience’ had not been, at the least, concerned about his!
I shall not leave my room for a few days for my neighbours will probably make the situation worse. I cannot
believe how highly I spoke of him but I believe that there is no one to blame;
at the time my mind was bombarded by images of ’perfection’.
And am your ever affectionate
Georgiana
Wednesday 7th February
Prince 0
9:30 Prince wasn’t worth the diet. Cannot think of anything pleasant to say about him.
Conversely, can think of everything foul which is associated to him. One would
prefer a handsome husband with ‘ugly’ assets rather than an ugly husband with
‘handsome’ assets. Mother would disagree but this is my life so, tough! Will not leave room; too ashamed of previous confidence.
Adriana
Wednesday 7th February
My dearest diary,
Georgiana and Adriana, both eager to have everyone know that
they were not to be mistaken for dumb blondes, and particularly desirous of
triumphing over each other, insisted on competing for who could make the
loudest possible entrance to the Ball a ‘lady’ could possibly make. It also
occurred to them that they would fail to capture everyone’s absolute attention
if they didn’t continue to make ‘noise’ as they paraded themselves through the
Ballroom. As for I, having found nothing more ‘entertaining’ to do, agreed to
follow my sisters. The whole parade entirely consisted of two lumps of ‘pretty
meat’ throwing themselves at the tigers before rapidly pulling away; all had to
be saved for the more profitable tiger.
After Georgiana had made certain that everyone had seen her newest outfit and
Adriana with her freshly acquired shape, I quickly received the job of finding
mother. Having been ‘educated’ by mother since I could understand ‘her
English’, I knew at once where she was; mother had headed straight for business
since our arrival making sure that not a second was wasted. It didn’t take me
long to recognise her concealment out of the swarming
collection of expensive ones that had gathered on this most important social
event- or shall I say business event.
When we reached mother, she hurriedly introduced Georgiana and Adriana to the
Prince- I was left as the scenery but I cannot resist telling you that the
Prince is the handsomest man I have ever seen in my life! Indeed, my sisters
were very pleased with him; they didn’t wait for any chances to slip through
their heavily furnished fingers.
Georgiana, who from the moment we had reached the Palace, had been swelling
with the knowledge of her own beauty and with the desire to make it seen by the
Prince, could not remain patient at tugging her dress downwards making sure
that more and more of her flesh was revealed by each tug although trying to
conduct an intelligent conversation about the rights of women in society at the
same time. I’m sure the Prince was more than amused by the level of her
knowledge about the ‘rights’ of women in society. Meanwhile, all of the faces
in the Ball (apart from hers) had turned to the same direction- the Entrance.
Standing at the mercy of my eyes was Cinderella, but at the
severity of all the others, Georgiana and Adriana in particular, was the enemy.
You may not imagine the crushed countenance of mother and ‘her’ daughters as
the Prince requested the pleasure of Cinderella’s company in his first dance.
It was clear to me the impossibility of my sisters triumphing over Cinderella;
her sincerity had truly conquered the heart of the Prince as it had done to
mine (if she were like my sisters, she would still be locked in the basement).
Up until midnight the atmosphere was dominated by the waves
of jealousy but all disappeared when the clock struck twelve! All that was left
was one glass slipper which lay by the maroon-coloured
velvet steps.
The guests left the Ball in confusion but the Ball left mother in indignation-
she had spent a fortune on the outfits made especially for ‘Prince Hunting’. It
didn’t occur to her who the lady was, so Cinderella ironically returned ‘home’
to prepare herself for her day of Vengeance- today!
This morning, again unexpectedly, I, unaccompanied, hosted the Prince while the
rest of my family was busy dealing with their ‘issues’, not knowing that their
last chance was within the household. The Prince was accompanied by an army of
men and a single glass slipper; I did not hesitate to call for Cinderella.
So, I would like to inform you that there will be a marriage after all
Yours always
Angelica
And everyone lived happily ever after …
Examiner’s Comments:
Wonderful parody of Jane Austen and
Bridget Jones’ Diary. A delight to read.
Final Grade: 40/40